In short, I have lived ‘small’. Always fearing my
abilities to not be enough. I have always worked really hard. I have always
helped. My body eventually stopped the patterns; I got diagnosed (age 25) with
ulcerative colitis and celiac disease. Eventually the repercussions from
disease, the drugs to help it, and the desire to keep ‘forging’ on; my body
quit. I had my colon removed in 2011 and a major surgical accident occurred, I
ended up in ICU and in hospital for a month. Age 37, my life needed a major
overhaul and having an organ removed was the last chance to do it.
What I knew from the moment I awoke from a coma, I
wanted to live a life of creativity, joy, and happiness.
 |
"I came home and saw that I had in deed been very
creative prior to being at hospital for the month." This is how my home
looked on return from my month long stay in the hospital. I started to
cry when I saw how much love, joy and creativity there was in our home. |
I came home and saw that I had in deed been very
creative prior to being at hospital for the month. I just needed to keep doing
it. Absorb the magnitude of my power to create. Know that it was the way to be
happy, to be healthy.
The ensuing months were not easy. I was in a lot
of pain. I was on a lot of narcotics. I had to come off them and that was
harder than anything I have ever encountered in my life.
I had experienced a lot of trauma in my life, and
I had just re-experienced trauma over and over again while in hospital and then
at home during my recovery. I didn’t sleep much; both from the trauma, the narcotics, the steroids
(for inflammation). I couldn’t move much (two emergency back to back full
abdominal surgeries in one night), so painting, crafting or sewing were not an
option. I had an iPad and a couch, and I drew all night and all day. I didn’t
even have a stylus, just my finger.
 |
"I didn't even have a stylus, just my finger."
This piece was created during the long nights on my couch,
with the glow of the iPad. |
I learned I had more skill drawing then I had ever
allowed myself to see. I was hungry to create, but still unwell I watched a lot
of YouTube videos on people doing art. I eventually had the energy, and
physical fortitude to create outside of the confines of my iPad.
The growth of my art was pacing the growth of my
new self. I cried, I danced; I hurt as I pushed my body to paint, tear, glue
and imagine. What I hadn’t noticed was how much I was healing, growing, and
purging into these pieces. I hadn’t fully felt the acceptance of being a good
artist yet either.
 |
"I was hungry for this thing that I had been dogging all my life."
This is an iPad portrait drawing that I had done
of our 12 year Doberman. I asked her to stick around
for another year, we just couldn't manage another tragedy;
she was always so faithful. |
I am not sure when it hit me, but it did. I wanted
more. I had blogged about my process up till this point, so I knew the power of
my voice. I broadcasted to the world that I was an Artist. I uploaded all my
art to my social page for all to see, judge, like or dislike. I had
conversations with people around my art. I found out what I needed to make this
into a career; create a community, get into a gallery, teach, take classes, get
a website. I did it all. I was hungry for this thing that I had been dogging
all my life.
A game-changing day occurred while visiting a
friend in Calgary’s then Art Central building. After the coffee, I absorbed the
reality of where I was standing. A building, called ART CENTRAL, filled with
artisans and galleries. I was so scared. I just told myself you are an artist,
go in to these shops and introduce yourself -that is all you have to do. It was
freeing, amazing and fruitful.
I met Studio C and their amazing staff that game-changing
day. I was enamoured with their vision, it was essentially what I had been
doing for myself. Studio C is an initiative of Prospect - their mission is to
break barriers to build an accessible Alberta workforce; and using the arts is
their mode of transportation. I asked how I could get involved, my options were
to teach, show my work and facilitate with their ArtRecruits program. I wanted
all of them; the manager remarked that it was an ambitious desire. I had only
been recovering for a few months but I was hungry to start living a creative
life.
 |
"I asked how I could get involved,
my options were to teach,
show my work and facilitate with
their (Studio C) ArtRecruits program."
Brittney Lintick, bottom left, co Facilitator of ArtRecruits |
Since then I have reached all the requirements to
be known as an artist. I’ve had art shows, I teach and take art classes, I have
a website, I have created an arts community. With every task I take on, I
filter it through 'art heals:creativity is authenticity’ filter. I don’t want
to be, nor do I pretend to be a therapist. I share the power of creativity; I
want others to unstick themselves from their self-limiting beliefs. I know
creativity can access a deep place in our psyche, bring up some water from that
deep dark well, and express it in order to release it and let our selves grow.
I am still on medical leave - I am undergoing weekly therapy for PTSD.
I have a portion of my colon that is still diseased and is in need of removal.
I am still traumatized by the reality of that statement. I am determined to be
well. I want to stop limiting myself with illness. I want the big life that is
just over the ridge. The only way I can get there is doing this work. I am so
grateful to have the time, space, and support to heal my mental health so that
I can be stronger, and of service.
