The transition: from being small to BECOMING LARGE

In short, I have lived ‘small’. Always fearing my abilities to not be enough. I have always worked really hard. I have always helped. My body eventually stopped the patterns; I got diagnosed (age 25) with ulcerative colitis and celiac disease. Eventually the repercussions from disease, the drugs to help it, and the desire to keep ‘forging’ on; my body quit. I had my colon removed in 2011 and a major surgical accident occurred, I ended up in ICU and in hospital for a month. Age 37, my life needed a major overhaul and having an organ removed was the last chance to do it. 

What I knew from the moment I awoke from a coma, I wanted to live a life of creativity, joy, and happiness.

"I came home and saw that I had in deed been very
creative prior to being at hospital for the month." This is how my home
looked on return from my month long stay in the hospital. I started to
cry when I saw how much love,  joy and creativity there was in our home.

I came home and saw that I had in deed been very creative prior to being at hospital for the month. I just needed to keep doing it. Absorb the magnitude of my power to create. Know that it was the way to be happy, to be healthy.

The ensuing months were not easy. I was in a lot of pain. I was on a lot of narcotics. I had to come off them and that was harder than anything I have ever encountered in my life.

I had experienced a lot of trauma in my life, and I had just re-experienced trauma over and over again while in hospital and then at home during my recovery. I didn’t sleep much; both from the trauma, the narcotics, the steroids (for inflammation). I couldn’t move much (two emergency back to back full abdominal surgeries in one night), so painting, crafting or sewing were not an option. I had an iPad and a couch, and I drew all night and all day. I didn’t even have a stylus, just my finger.

 

"I didn't even have a stylus, just my finger."
This piece was created during the long nights on my couch,
with the glow of the iPad.

I learned I had more skill drawing then I had ever allowed myself to see. I was hungry to create, but still unwell I watched a lot of YouTube videos on people doing art. I eventually had the energy, and physical fortitude to create outside of the confines of my iPad.

The growth of my art was pacing the growth of my new self. I cried, I danced; I hurt as I pushed my body to paint, tear, glue and imagine. What I hadn’t noticed was how much I was healing, growing, and purging into these pieces. I hadn’t fully felt the acceptance of being a good artist yet either. 

"I was hungry for this thing that I had been dogging all my life."
This is an iPad portrait drawing that I had done
of our 12 year Doberman. I asked her to stick around
for another year, we just couldn't manage another tragedy;
she was always so faithful.

I am not sure when it hit me, but it did. I wanted more. I had blogged about my process up till this point, so I knew the power of my voice. I broadcasted to the world that I was an Artist. I uploaded all my art to my social page for all to see, judge, like or dislike. I had conversations with people around my art. I found out what I needed to make this into a career; create a community, get into a gallery, teach, take classes, get a website. I did it all. I was hungry for this thing that I had been dogging all my life. 

A game-changing day occurred while visiting a friend in Calgary’s then Art Central building. After the coffee, I absorbed the reality of where I was standing. A building, called ART CENTRAL, filled with artisans and galleries. I was so scared. I just told myself you are an artist, go in to these shops and introduce yourself -that is all you have to do. It was freeing, amazing and fruitful. 

I met Studio C and their amazing staff that game-changing day. I was enamoured with their vision, it was essentially what I had been doing for myself. Studio C is an initiative of Prospect - their mission is to break barriers to build an accessible Alberta workforce; and using the arts is their mode of transportation. I asked how I could get involved, my options were to teach, show my work and facilitate with their ArtRecruits program. I wanted all of them; the manager remarked that it was an ambitious desire. I had only been recovering for a few months but I was hungry to start living a creative life.

 

"I asked how I could get involved,
my options were to teach,
show my work and facilitate with
their (Studio C) ArtRecruits program."
Brittney Lintick, bottom left, co Facilitator of ArtRecruits

Since then I have reached all the requirements to be known as an artist. I’ve had art shows, I teach and take art classes, I have a website, I have created an arts community. With every task I take on, I filter it through 'art heals:creativity is authenticity’ filter. I don’t want to be, nor do I pretend to be a therapist. I share the power of creativity; I want others to unstick themselves from their self-limiting beliefs. I know creativity can access a deep place in our psyche, bring up some water from that deep dark well, and express it in order to release it and let our selves grow.

I am still on medical leave - I am undergoing weekly therapy for PTSD. I have a portion of my colon that is still diseased and is in need of removal. I am still traumatized by the reality of that statement. I am determined to be well. I want to stop limiting myself with illness. I want the big life that is just over the ridge. The only way I can get there is doing this work. I am so grateful to have the time, space, and support to heal my mental health so that I can be stronger, and of service.