Surgery, COMEback winner and an Artist!

It is November and it is Crohn's and colitis awareness month!! and I couldn't be more aware!! Yes, this disease that I thought I had walked away from has found a way to a royal pain in my ass.

a recent 'gut art' piece, intuitively
I drew big feet (size 10 for me),
stitched midline (size large on me),
and a cape (name wonder woman in ICU).

I traveled to another city for a surgical opinion this past friday. The short version of this story is that I need to have the surgery. I figured that was going to be the response but I had hoped for more of a miracle discussion. Post appointment and in response to my news, my friend Angie, so aptly put it "Upon finishing my 8th year at Hogwarts I was given the spell to cure all of your ailments! Wingardium leviosa!". Thanks Angie, I don't levitate as a rule.

In all fairness and all seriousness, I am scared "shitless". I know I was supposed to be serious. However this disease accentuates how many poo jokes our society has and how little those that suffer with their poop can talk honestly about it.

I have had ulcerative colitis for 15 years, and nearly four years ago I opted to have my colon removed. The next surgery is to have my rectum removed.

I have been in Post Traumatic therapy to help me with the trauma I experienced in the first surgery. It seems I can't put off this surgery any longer as my risks and health issues are starting to be too great to leave status quo alone.

I have been using art to heal for four years,
this is ten minute sketch I did
as part of Mystele Kirkeeng's Gut Art class. 

The one thing I do know, during my surgical consult, as I was struggling to make sense of words and feelings - I said "I want to focus on my art career and not my health". I want to shed the cloak of despair and pain that I have carried so long. I want to flourish and be free and energetic. They tell me that the surgery will grant me this wish but first I must endure the dreaded procedure.

This is a huge road for me, one that will take more talking and planning but the writ has been dropped. I must prepare for battle. My armour is slightly dinted. My heart slightly broken. I know how the battlefield is won and where I can improve my skills to be an even more amazing warrior. 

And then there is this stinking reminder that keeps popping up and is now so very public. I am newly crowned National winner of the Great Comebacks award. Yes, I won 2014/15 Great Comeback award for being the poster child of surviving, thriving and inspiring others to take on their fears, get an ostomy and then go get a life!@ oi vey. Guess I will go and do that now.

Family Graffiti series to be
sold in show 'Deck The Walls'.
These works will be shown at two bakeries
over the holiday season!
Couldn't have done this art without my past!

Thank you for your support in who I am and my creative expressions I share. I'd love to see you at 'Deck The Halls' to purchase some affordable art. I am having a two show opening nights as we have two amazing places to sell our art. 

Patisserie du Soleil – Wednesday, November 12, 2014, 6-8pm  

2525 Woodview Dr SW, Calgary, AB T2W 3Y1

Heaven’s Artisan GF Restaurant – Tuesday, November 18, 2014, 6-8pm 

1013 17 Ave SW #119, Calgary, AB T2T 0A7

Join me for more fun and updates...

my website!

my Facebook artist page!

Spring has been busy and beautiful!

WOW has been six months since I stopped by and wrote a story? Hard to believe and yet I understand. SO much change, new opportunities, healing and rest, schedule changes, job changes.  Life has been a bit overwhelming to say the least...good stuff for once!

I will give a wee update to the goings on. Firstly, my husband was downsized at the job he held for nearly ten years. An expected change but nonetheless challenging for many reasons. We were up to the challenge and took the time to position ourselves to live on one income. He utilized the time to complete the mile high mental TODO list. The only affect this had on my life was his reorg of our clutter left me wondering where our possessions resided.

With the time we had together we were able to work out some twenty year kinks and get back on track as a team! Brene Brown author of Daring Greatly had much to do with that too. We took her online workshop, I continued PTSD talk therapy, and as a couple we forged new pathways together.

A collision of goodness and opportunity has landed on our front door in recent weeks:

My husband and I celebrated our 41st birthdays and our 11th year married (25 years together).  We have planted a new garden and started to build a new shed-gardening and building are the corner stones of our relationship.

Studio C opened their new doors (Burns Building) and started public art classes last week, of which I facilitate a Mixed Media Class. I was also engaged as Career Collage facilitator for Studio C's pilot program ArtRecruits engaging Persons with Developmental Disabilities. The goal of this program is to find employment using art to help the process!

I taught a mixed media class at the Calgary School of Art, this week's class marks the end of the school year. The school held an art show where a few of my students showed their works and one student even sold a piece.

a personal piece for our bedroom at home...birch tree forest on three panels a mixed media piece....a work in progress

My husband started a new job this month and the opportunity found him just as he was mentally ready to start his work search.

We took the plunge and bought a truck and travel trailer and we take possession this week. After much thought we determined that this would facilitate our goal of achieving work:life balance and enjoying the starlit sky. 

the happy couple

I got asked to participate in a public art mural. I have never done a mural, so being a part of it is going to be an amazing learning opportunity. Mark Vasquez-Mackay’s home was ground zero during Calgary's unforgettable flood. This year he wanted to commemorate and celebrate doing what he knows best- art! His vision is to create a legacy painting involving the people of Bridgeland, community Assoc, artists, and private business.

I started a personal piece for our bedroom at home...birch tree forest on three panels a mixed media piece. I sold a sketch of an inspiring photo I did while on a weekend retreat to the mountains, and have been commissioned for some digital art as well.

Oliva...the d.hound

We have my brothers and their family's coming to visit this summer! I am grateful to the top of head to the tip of my toes. We have also opened our home to our niece, come August she will move from a very small town to Calgary. She has just graduated and we couldn't be more excited to facilitate the introduction to her new world.

I have struggled for years with my health and thus far I am retaining a constant pace of excitement and not flaring (with ulcerative colitis) too badly. Supportive energy, positive people, and an amazing benefit plan have facilitated the possibility of my new career and good things to come.

The End of One and the Start of Another!

It is that time of year again, where we evaluate the past accomplishments and wish for better in the New Year. I have come to learn that age has nothing to do with memory but if it weren't for social media taking record I couldn't tell you what occurred in 2013! 

Wink Wink  by Paula Timm
Ipad drawing using app Paper by 53

I was led to find a nifty tool yesterday; using 'likes' to create metrics for the top 5 posts on Instagram profile. The good news, my art posts were popular and not my repetitive posts of my dog and I. 

 

'Tis the Season, Perry the Hipster Pugx

I thought I should take a stab at creating my own top 5 moments based on the past year's posts to Instagram. I should find a better video-editing tool for my Iphone, a good exercise nonetheless.

 

Studio C Exhibit, the first piece that I sold!

In reflection, last year was exciting, fulfilling and wonderful. I prepared for my first art exhibit and soon after my second. I created lesson plans for art classes, I facilitated workshops using art as a tool for employment and mental wellness, and I taught art and loved every moment.  I was surprised at how much art I produced too. I sold art, I was commissioned for new art, and I found new skill and talent within myself.  

 

First Class at Studio C

What I wish for the New Year? Balance comes to mind, be it at home, heart or in my head. I am learning to temper my desires with the reality of my body's limitations. I am learning not to be victimized by these and to embrace their strengths. I know how I want to feel, who I want to be, and how I want to live. 2014 is about choosing the actions that are best for my family and me. What a powerful and exciting statement...

Here’s to 2014!

Balance, Pacing, PTSD...and a schedule

The current theme in my life...Balance and Pacing...

oh, how I have struggled with balance

As with all lessons in life, this one comes as a startling reminder that I have much to learn about myself. The way I have lived my life is not creating the most optimal me. I feel like I have given the universe a big blank cheque to overhaul the Paula Timm I once knew.

As with all life lessons, there is a start, the day we realize we need a change. If you have followed my life, this blog, or my Facebook posts, you may already know the answer to this question. It was the day I woke up in ICU, this life-altering day commenced with my death during surgery whilst removing my colon in exchange for an ostomy. I knew that this was my last chance to get 'it' right. I knew Balance and Pacing were paramount characters in getting it right, and since the surgery I have tried to get it right on my own.

The latest life lesson nudge came from my Gastroentrologist, great doctor and really great guy. In short, he asked me to consider therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to help me make rational decisions around my medical care. I wasn't shocked or upset; rather I knew I was ready to seek help. I could only avoid the obvious for so long, 2.5 years to be exact.

The funny part of this story is the first doctor I sought out at Alberta Mental Health Services told me what I wanted to hear,

Doctor: “You don't have PTSD”

Me: "PERFECT! I am good, no other work required, move along..."

that moment when you realize it's you.

Not so fast, sly guy, the doctor referred to me to the other therapists within the clinic. What one therapist doesn't see as textbook PTSD is another’s definition of PTSD. I now have a Social Worker, an Occupational Therapist, and a Dietitian. And as a team, we are working together to bring balance, pacing, personal goals, emotional management and health into my life. I may not need medication to help my PTSD but I do need help to regulate decision-making and emotional responses.

Until now I have limped along with this complex web of PTSD, bad habits, irregular energy, emotional outbursts, and sickness. In mathematical terms it could be written as below formula:

I do too much = crash (get sick, meltdown, freak out)

convalesce (heal, shutdown, sleep)

The new approach is mindful and balanced to create good habits, goals, and decisions. Here is a snapshot of the thought process:

First step, Notice: 

what are my responsibilities? when do I eat? when do I cook/clean/shop/paint?  etc....

Second step, Define: 

what do I want/need to do? art career, appointments, social time, exercise, household/food and rest

Third step, Schedule:

make time for all the parts, make a calendar, set reminders

Fourth step, Notice:

what is working in the new schedule? where do I break the rules? how do I respond?

Fifth step, Integrate:

change the program, journal progress, add or delete tasks or time allotment 

within structure there is freedom

I now have a schedule that tells me where to fit in my activities and rest. This wisdom allows me freedom in my activities and my thoughts. 
For example; 
if I have a 'home day', I can bake or meal-plan. 
if I have an 'out day', then I plan appointments and have a meal preplanned for that day. 
if the unexpected happens, I know what activity has been sacrificed and I can reschedule the displaced activity. 

Most importantly, if I am doing too much and I get tired, I can alter the schedule so that I don't repeat the intensity again.

I try not to take life too seriously..but there is wisdom in zen

It might seem a leap, PTSD symptoms, create a schedule and acquire pacing and balance in my life. Can it be that easy? Maybe. I feel calmer allowing me to focus on the present. Perhaps proper pacing allows a mindfulness of my thoughts, a slowing of the fast whirring thoughts of doubts and fears. Perhaps pacing creates time and space to reflect and to make wise decisions. 

I chose to share this intimate part of my life because so many people don't know where to turn or are afraid of the stigma of mental health and therapy.  Like I suggested earlier, I feel like I have written a blank cheque to overhaul my life for the better, I couldn't be happier with my future and my present. And for the first time, I no longer fear taking on my dreams, as it is no longer at the cost of my health, both mental and physical.

What an amazing gift to have the support and guidance of these therapists whilst I learn Pacing and Balance.

Social Entreprise...or just good for your soul?

Definition of Social Enterprise from Wiki...A social enterprise is an organization that applies commercial strategies to maximize improvements in human and environmental well-being, rather than maximizing profits for external shareholders....

Simply described it is good business with good people who have big passions, which benefit many.


There is no time like the present for change that inspires, it seems whomever you talk with these days is asking for more. We are complaining of a lack of drive to get up in the morning and wondering if there isn't more to life?

The easy answer is YES there is more to life.

The HARD part is allowing your heart to show you the way. I think we all know what our gifts are, what we're passionate about, what moves us, and what pulls on our heartstrings. The difficult part is allowing our ego to speak it, allowing our most trusted friends to hear it, and the permission to do 'it'. However if you are reading this and thinking, "No, I don't know what my gifts are... and that is my problem!" Then ask yourself the following questions. What stirs your heart when you are watching a movie? What tears you up during a conversation? What makes you angry or righteous when you hear of a wrongdoing? These are usually good 'heart hints' on where to start looking for your gifts and talents. Check out Laura Berman Fortgang's article for more on the Top Ten Ways to Discover Your Unique Gifts.

Ipad drawing by Paula Timm

Ultimately, baby steps are the answer to making a complete life change. For many the problem is getting out of bed and going to the soul-sucking job that provides food for a family of five. So making a huge change seems more risky and more selfish than humanly possible. That is where the baby steps come in, taking incremental steps to bring these gifts into your daily practice. Perhaps it is organizing a team-building event that involves your gift/talent. A family meeting where you inspire projects that helps your children look within for their gift. Get together with close friends where you brainstorm on each other’s talents with and set goals. These small actions with co-workers, family and friends will inevitably be contagious all the while they are refueling your soul, and fostering bigger change for all involved.

Feeling overwhelmed yet? Well don’t, because it doesn't always have to be about the BIG stuff. I think many of the heartwarming success stories start from a small seed, that grew because it was nurtured, and as it grew it was so inspiring to others to see the growth that they couldn't help but support it and be inspired by it. So just do one small thing each day to reinforce your vital connection to this world, to remind yourself that there is more and that you can connect to it. Small stuff can look like opening a door for someone in need, being present in a difficult conversation, making eye contact, smiling to a stranger.

Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past decade studying people and their life stories. Through thousands of interviews, she has found that when “you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief”. 

Brené has an amazing way with words, she says, '...vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure'. She goes on to say 'that our culture has taught us to avoid discomfort and our inability to experience it limits the fullness of life’s uncertainties- love, belonging, trust, joy and creativity'. Brené's research underscores the importance of finding our authentic gifts and living a vulnerable existence.

I learned the importance of Brené's work the hard way; I lived my life staying safe and avoiding discomfort, when one day I awoke in ICU. All I knew was that I needed to change everything in my life and be happier. It took a while but when I started I knew I had to declare my secret gift. I am an artist. Next, to share that gift - I exhibit my work. Then, spread the enthusiasm - I teach art.  Nearly three years since that day when everything changed, I choose to live in a bit of discomfort by embracing my vulnerabilities to get to my authentic self and bask in the feeling of connection. 

When you are clear with your self, you speak your heart, you speak your desire, and you speak the intention for your future. Nothing can get in your way, it's infectious, people resonate with you, people want you to succeed, and you become the SOCIAL ENTERPRISE. Make the investment, this is a high-risk portfolio, this is your life, and this is what your kids and the new generations are learning to repeat.

The weather outside is saying SUMMER but the calendar is saying FALL!

For me, Fall reminds me to get creating after months of enjoying my garden....here are just a few of the upcoming classes I have planned to share with you. Stay tuned for more interesting artistic experiences and follow my Facebook Artist page.

Mixed Media @ Calgary School of Art, Cactus Art Building, 531 Manitou Road SE

Thursday Mornings 9 am – 12:00 pm

October - June    You can start anytime!

8 classes for $240

12 classes for $300 -two classes FREE!

(does NOT include art supplies or GST)

Discover your inner artist- learn the basic principles of composition, acrylic paint, image transfers and a variety of mixed media techniques. A great class for those creative bugs who ‘think’ that they are not artists. This freeing technique of combining found images, doodles, texture, and much more allow the budding artist to find their own unique style.

In this class you will learn how to strike a balance of realism, texture, whimsy to create your own mixed media art. Paula Timm will demonstrate her innovative techniques using beeswax, markers, acrylic paint, acrylic mediums, gels, pencil crayon, markers, torn paper/found image techniques.

Please contact Paula to register and pay for your class today. Limited spaces remain..book now.

Mixed Media Photography @ Studio C, Art Central Building, 100-7 ave SW

Monday Mornings 9:30 am – 12:00 pm

October 7 - December 21

12 classes for $139.50

(INCLUDES art supplies and GST)

Capture and alter photographs of yourself and the world around you! Learn how to apply these images to canvas to create your own whimsical portrait or landscape. Supplied digital cameras will be utilized in studio and on the street to capture everyday objects that can be transformed with mixed media. Students will learn basics of photography, using digital editing and light tablets. We will also use mediums such as beeswax, acrylic paint, gesso, coloured pencils, and pastels!

Please contact Studio C to register and pay for your class today. Limited spaces remain..book now.

paulatimm.com

The old adage Spring Forward and Fall Back?

What comes to mind when you think of fall? I think of new beginnings, new wardrobe and stationery supplies, wooly sweaters and the smell of fallen leaves. It is also my favourite time of year for these very same reasons. It may be my New Year rather than the traditional month of January.

It makes sense that September is our New Year; we spent the first 20 years of our lives celebrating this month. A new grade perhaps even a new school and don't forget the new corduroy pants with it's matching wooly sweater. 

That is what makes this time of year more exciting, even when we don't have a new grade to start. We’ve been conditioned to be excited for September's release of new things.Will they like me? Will I like them? Will I pass or fail? Did I pick the right direction?

Three September’s ago, like a typical New Year, I had come to expect change, however this one was like teenage hormone explosion…work changes were enormous, bosses being fired, new staff, people quitting, and a corporate structure overhaul. Luckily my home life was stable. But it eventually caught up to me and I got sick, then my dad died and then I got sicker. And if you read this blog, you know what happened next.

I can’t believe it’s been three years since this journey of sickness and recovery started. But more than the just my health it has been a time of redefining what is important to me. As you may well guessed, it is my creative life. I have more hope for my future than ever before and like all new things a wee bit of fear too.

This September, like every other, has a schedule change for me. The growing pains of my youth are all but a distant memory. The teenager is growing up and feels ready for the next big thing in her life. And as with all young adults, this one feels like she is ready to take on the world!

So raise your glasses and sing with me,

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup of kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

Happy New September!